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It's the Great Pumpkin, Juniper Lee
14pumpkin
Episode 14

Season

2

Episode

1

Year

2005

Characters[]

Transcript[]

Intro[]

(Episode begins with Juniper and Jody walking from school on the street)
Jody Irwin: Hey, you wanna get into the Halloween spirit, let's go rent a monster movie tonight.
Juniper Lee: Oh, no way. You'll freak out.
Jody Irwin: I won't freak out.
Juniper Lee: Yes, you will. You see a monster flick, your imagination runs wild, and you freak out. Besides, monster movies remind me of work.
Jody Irwin: (confused) What?
(A monster steps in front of them, roaring)
Jody Irwin: (shrieks and jumps around in fright) Space alien! It's a space alien! It's gonna abduct us and suck our faces off! I'll never get into Harvard with my face sucked off!
(The monster continues roaring)
Juniper Lee: Come on, I'm sure you'll ace the SATs.
Jody Irwin: Perfect grade point averages and high test scores won't help me if my face is sucked off! (starts running around and screaming hysterically)
(Juniper takes off the monster head, revealing to be costume, then throws it to Jody, who throws it up a tree as she continues screaming and running around. Ray Ray pops out from his costume, revealing to be the one planning to scare his own sister)
Juniper Lee: Nice try, dork face.
Ray Ray Lee: You weren't scared?
Juniper Lee: Nope.
Ray Ray Lee: Not even a second?
Juniper Lee: Nope.
Ray Ray Lee: A nanosecond?
Juniper Lee: Nuh-uh. But you sure gave Jody a conniption.
Ray Ray Lee: What's a conniption?
(The monster head lands on Jody's head as she continues running around and screaming)
Juniper Lee: There you go.
Ray Ray Lee: Cool. Conniptions rock.
(Cue the theme song)

Halloween in Orchid Bay[]

(Scene begins on Halloween night where kids go around the neighborhood in costumes and trick-or-treating at every house. A group of kids head to a house as they ring the doorbell and a guy answers the door)
Kids: Trick or treat!
(The guy hands them the candy)
Kids: Thank you!
(Cut to Jody's house where Juniper, in her Elvis Presley costume, is waiting for her friends)
Juniper Lee: (imitating Elvis) Happy Halloween, baby. Thank you, thank you very much.
Jody Irwin: (come in in her fairy princess costumes, giggling) June, that's so cute! I love it! I absolutely love it! Who are you supposed to be?
Juniper Lee: (sighs) Elvis, Jody. I'm Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll.
Jody Irwin: Oh. I'm a princess.
Juniper Lee: Of course you are. (Roger comes in as Abraham Lincoln mixed with a werewolf and robot costume on roller skates) What are you dressed as?
Roger Radcliffe: Duh. I'm a werewolf-robot-Abraham Lincoln on roller skates. (howls) Beep beep! Four score and seven years ago... (howls)
Juniper Lee: Couldn't decide on what to wear, huh?
Roger Radcliffe: Nope. So I decided to satisfy all my passions. But it's better than Ophelia. She's not wearing a costume.
Ophelia Ramírez: (comes in) Sure I am. I'm dressed as: cooler than you.
Roger Radcliffe: Oh, yeah. Now, I see it.
(Cut to Ray Ray, in his Boomfist costume, and Monroe walking to Juniper and her friends)
Ray Ray Lee: Dude, what's with the skirt?
Monroe: (insulted) For the last time, boy, it's not a skirt! It's a kilt! Nor is it a costume! I happen to be chilly! Now let's be done with this senseless ritual so I can go home already!
Ray Ray Lee: Ah, dude, we haven't even hit our stride. (to Juniper and her friends) Come on, come on! We gotta move! The good stuff goes fast! Now, the word is they're doling out whole candy bars on Griffin Avenue. If we don't move it, we'll be getting no sugar-free hard candies from the bottom of some old lady's purse. (Jody, Ophelia and Roger start moving)
Juniper Lee: (sighs) You must chill.
Ray Ray Lee: Chill nothing! We'll be lucky to hit half the houses on our block before you gotta go kick some monster's butt 'cause your stupid bracelet starts beeping.
Juniper Lee: It doesn't beep, Ray Ray, it mostly glows, kind of like--
Ray Ray Lee: Say, what do real monsters do on Halloween? I mean, do they tear it up like it's New Year's Eve or somethin'?
Juniper Lee: No, they're out here with us.
Ray Ray Lee: Where?
Juniper Lee: Well, there's one. (points to two kids) And there. (points to two more) And over there. (points to two more)
Ray Ray Lee: Behind those kids?
Juniper Lee: No, they are those kids. (Scenario begins on a monster mom and her son) You know how we dress up as monsters? Well they dress up as humans. They do this magic spell that turns them into people, and instead of trick-or-treating, they go around doing human stuff. (scenario ends)
Ray Ray Lee: Uh-huh. And that's cool... how?
Juniper Lee: Beats me. They think it's really funny. (gestures two monster-turned-human kids next to a man on a bench reading a newspaper)
Monster Human Kid: Excuse me, kind sir. What time do you have?
Man: (checks his watch) It's 6:30.
(The monster-turned-human kids laugh, to the man's confusion. Cut to two more monster-turned-human kids at a newsstand)
Monster Human Kid 2: Here is some human money in exchange for printed news. (He and his friend laugh, to the newsdealer's annoyance)
(Cut to two more monster-turned-human kids at a telephone booth)
Monster Human Kid 3: Hi, can I have the telephone number for... Big Bill's Deep Dish Chicago-Style Pizza? (he and his friend laugh)
(Cut to yet two more monster-turned-human kids putting a letter in a mailbox, to their amusement)
Ray Ray Lee: That is so embarrassing.
Juniper Lee: Oh, yeah.
(Cut to Ray Ray's room where he starts to pile his candy on his bed)
Ray Ray Lee: Milk chocolate, pile one. dark chocolate, pile two. Nut, nougat and crispy-filled chocolate, pile three. Other chocolate, pile four. Ew, butterscotch. (throws it to a sleeping Monroe who eats it) Candy corn, pile five. Peanut clusters, pile six. Gum, pile seven. Bubblegum, pile seven, subsection A. A toothbrush? A toothbrush?! Curse you Dr. Horatio Rosenberg, D.D.S of 42 Maple Drive! (throws the toothbrush to Monroe)
Barbara Lee: (offscreen) Ray Ray, pick your favorite five pieces. I'll be there in a sec to put the rest away for later.
Ray Ray Lee: Come on! Come on, man! (frantically starts eating some of his candy and puts the rest of them in his costume) Save the nougat! Save the nougat!
Barbara Lee: (pops her head into the room and sees Ray Ray with his candy in his costume) Nice try.
Ray Ray Lee: What?
(Cut to Juniper in her room, listening to music on her cassette player when Ray Ray comes in, sugar high from all the candy)
Ray Ray Lee: Hey, June, how are you? That's good, I'm just gonna walk around here for a while if that's cool. Hey, I wonder what's on TV. Ha, nothing much. Wonder how many chairs I can lift up at once?! I can’t feel my teeth!
Juniper Lee: (takes off her headphones) How much sugar did you have?
Ray Ray Lee: I dunno, not much. Who's counting? Get off my back! (he and Juniper notice candy corn being thrown at her patio doors) Someone's throwing candy corn at your window! (opens Juniper's patio doors) Open it, open it, open it! Open your mouth, open your mouth, open your mouth!
(Juniper comes out to her balcony and sees different monster families in the backyard)
Juniper Lee: What?
Gus: We got a problem.
Juniper Lee: Uh, yeah, we do. It's, like, midnight, and you're taking target practice at my window with Halloween candy.
Ray Ray Lee: Do you have any licorice?!
Cletus: No, this is huge, June. All of the monster's children have been turned into humans.
Juniper Lee: Uh, yeah, I know. Like every year, so what?
Cletus: Yeah, but (camera zooms into his face) we can't turn 'em back!

A Plan to Turn the Monster Human Kids Back to Normal[]

(Juniper and Ray Ray go the monster families in the backyard)
Juniper Lee: All right, I need some explainage.
Gus: All our little monsters are supposed to turn back at midnight, right?
Cletus: But this year, it didn't happen.
Monster Mom: Look at my son! He's hideous! All pink and hairless and... (shudders) human!
Monster Dad: We have a family reunion coming up next week. I will not, I repeat, not take my daughter looking like this! UGH! With the dimples and the sassy hair... ugh!
Ray Ray Lee: Hey, hey, hey, my friends, over here. Listen, I can totally get my sister to fix your problem, right? But what are you guys gonna do for me, huh? Perhaps if you were willing to part with a little something milk chocolate or, let's say, n-nougat.
Juniper Lee: Well, I guess there are a couple of spells I could try, but--
Gus' Wife: This isn't some potion gone wrong, it's something worse.
Cletus' Wife: Way worse.
Catherine: Evan, go on, tell her. Tell her what you do this time.
Evan Thompson: Don't touch me! I didn't do nothin'!
Catherine: Oh, that's enough mouth from you, young monster! You're in plenty of trouble as it is! He paid an agent demon to hex him into a human forever! Must have affected all our children! (the monster families gasp in shock) Oh, you betcha! I found this under his bag. (hands Juniper a card of said agent demon named Vikki Devyne)
Evan Thompson: So what? You didn't have to ground me!
Catherine: Not another word outta you, mister! To think I sat on an egg and hatched you for nine months. To have you turn your back on our culture, our family!
Evan Thompson: Are you kidding me?! Why do you think I hate being a monster?! We're so totally disgusting! There's, like, slime and grody body scales, and I have hair in places you wouldn't believe! And we eat stuff that would make a billy goat puke! It is so wrong!
Catherine: Oh, now what's wrong with being who you are?
Evan Thompson: Well... I mean... look a me now. I'm like, amazingly gorgeous and slime-free! I could totally be a model.
Juniper Lee: Okay, okay, I've heard enough. I'll go talk to the agent demon in the morning and see what I can do.
Cletus: Thanks, June. You're a life saver.
(The monster families leave)
Gus' Wife: Oh, you just knew it was gonna Catherine Thompson's kid who'd pull a stunt like this.
Gus: Calm down, sweetheart.
Gus' Wife: Don't tell me to calm down, Gus! I... I've got a son that looks like Justin Timberlake!

Making Deals Through the Underworld[]

(Cut to Vikki Devyne's building in the underworld where Juniper waits patiently in the waiting room and a receptionist monster types on her computer)
Intercom: Juniper Lee, Vikki will see you now.
(Cut to Vikky's office)
Vikki Devyne: Listen, darling, you pull this kind of stunt one more time and I'll personally come down there, tear your innards inside out and wear your ribcage like a hat! You understand me?! Good! Now, I love you, too, Daddy. Tell Momma hi. You must be Juniper. What brings you here?
Juniper Lee: Uh, we've got a problem with the monster kids in Orchid Bay. It seems you, um, cut a deal with…
Vikki Devyne: Oh, right, the Thompson boy. Nice kid. Didn't want to be a monster. I love to help people, I'm a real people person. It's really all about love. (speaks into her intercom headset) Bobby, where's my protein shake?! If it's not in here by the time I finish this sentence, you're fired! You're fired, fired! BRING ME MY SHAKE, AND NO BANANA!!!!
Juniper Lee: Yeah, it's just that… Well, you turned all monster children in Orchid Bay into humans, and not just Evan Thompson.
Vikki Devyne: Listen, sweetheart, I broke our packages. If I change one monster, I gotta change 'em all. It's an all-or-nothing deal. The kid initialed the contract.
Juniper Lee: Oh, come on. He didn't know what he was doing. And now the natural balance of the world is all screwy and I have to fix it, so if you could see it in your heart…
Vikki Devyne: Listen, sweetheart, You seem like a nice kid and I'd really really like to help, but my hands are tied, and by that, I mean I don't want to! I work deals here, okay? If you had something I wanted, then maybe we'd be having a conversation.
Juniper Lee: Well, what do you need?
(Bobby comes in with Vikki's protein shake as she tastes it, but spits it in disgust)
Vikki Devyne: For starters, a protein shake that doesn't taste like an elephant's butt! AND I SAID NO BANANA!!!! (disintegrates Bobby, leaving his eyes bouncing away) There was a glorious protein shake that I used to get when I was just a little assistant agent demon in the underworld land of Quegara. I woulda taste that again.
Juniper Lee: Alright, I'll get it for you. If I do, will you turn the monster kids back?
Vikki Devyne: You got yourself a deal, sweetheart, but the offer expires at midnight. After that, the spell will be too powerful to overturn and those kids will be human forever.
Juniper Lee: (as they shake hands) Capeesh!
(Cut to Juniper walking to Quegara as a tumbleweed monster rolls by and she explores the town and stops at a smoothie bar)
Smoothie Monster: Ah, I remember her. Used to come in every day and get a protein shake. And just the way she likes it.
Juniper Lee: Oh, wonderful. I'll take one. (places her money on the counter)
Smoothie Monster: Money units do me no good here. For this smoothie, I demand a trade of premium value. Perhaps you could acquire the Magical Amulet of Turisbak, owned by the fierce and powerful Lord Balthezul of Gremble Beach?
(Cut to Juniper walking on Gremble Beach and meets Lord Balthezul, who is sitting and rubbing sunscreen on his belly)
Lord Balthezul: Oh, young Juniper. I have waited for your arrival. I will trade you the Amulet of Turisbak for the Great Goblet of Goblins found in the Grand Gorge of Gorgia.
(Juniper sighs. Cut to her giving directions from a monster and climbs up the Great Gorge of Gorgia and meets a shoe shine monster as he shining her shoes)
Juniper Lee: So, uh, word on the street is you have the Great Goblet of Goblins.
Shoe Shine Monster: Maybe, maybe not. What's it to ya?
Juniper Lee: Well, I've also been told that you'll trade it for the Crystal Scepter of Malaperta.
Shoe Shine Monster: You can get me the Crystal Scepter of Malaperta? No way. It's, like, a collectable.
(Cut to her swimming to the bottom, then it transitions to a barber shop)
Barber Monster: I shall trade the scepter for one item: the Ancient Talisman of Remoulardi.
(Cut to Juniper riding a boat on lava while avoiding lava fish and she walks up to a monster king)
Monster King: the Annk of Klakteria.
(Cut to Juniper swinging on the vines of a firey forest)
Monster: The Shroud of Voldwans.
(Cut to Juniper jumping on rock creatures in a jungle, then to a fight promoter in his office)
Fight Promoter: Nothing.
Juniper Lee: What do you mean nothing? There's nothing you'll trade? No, no, no, no, no, I'm here to trade! Come on, I'm your girl. What do you want? I can get it. Name it, name it! Come on, come on!
Fight Promoter: (checks his watch and uses his tool to clean his teeth) Nope, I'm good.
Juniper Lee: Come on! Don't be like that! You want the Orb of Treacle? How about the Gemstone of the Elfin King Titus? A DVD player? Frequent flier miles?
Fight Promoter: (answers his phone as it rings) Yello. What?! What do you mean he can't fight? The match is in two hours!
Juniper Lee: I'll fight! I'm a fighter! That's what I do, I fight! Who do you need me to fight?
Fight Promoter: What are you talking about, kid? I need a winner.
Juniper Lee: If I win the fight, you give me the shroud. If I don't, you don't.
(The Fight Promoter thinks about it, then we fade to her, Ray Ray, in a tycoon outfit, and Monroe, in a sweatshirt and beanie, in a wrestling ring)
Referee: Weighing at 73 pounds, soaking wet, Juniper "The Velvet Hammer" Lee!
(The audience starts booing)
Referee: And in the red corner, the 12-year champion of the Annihilator Fight Circuit, weighing at 3,716, two ounces, Jordan the Destroyer!
(Jordan snorts as the audience cheers on him, then he stomps on the ring, sending Juniper, Ray Ray and Monroe up in the air)
Monroe: Tell me again how we ended up here.
Juniper Lee: It's complicated.

Defeating Jordan the Destroyer and Reversing the Spell[]

Referee: Fighters, get ready!
Ray Ray Lee: (takes the microphone from the referee) That's right, ladies! June's gonna rip him to bits! She's gonna tear him five new blowholes and send him to the hospital in a lunchbox! Call his mama and tell him to forget about dinner, 'cause this second guys ain't coming home!
(The audience boos as Ray Ray pounds his chest like a gorilla. The first round begins. Juniper tries to attack him, but swats her midair. She then jumps on his head and stomps on it, then she tries to pull his horn, but Jordan flicks her into the ropes. Juniper tries to pull Jordan's leg but he sits on her. Juniper swings Jordan into the ropes, but the ropes fling him back to Juniper crushing her, then she tries to bite his foot, but he kicks her to the roof)
Monroe: That's it, girl! You've got him on the ropes now!
(Jordan smashes a dizzy Juniper through the ring, leaving a hole shaped like herself on it. He then spins Juniper, throws her into the ropes and repeatedly smacks her back and forth, making her dizzy. He then grabs her and freezes half of her with his ice breath and roars in victory, thus winning the first round)
Referee: And that's the end of round one.
(Jordan yawns and kicks the half-frozen Juniper to Ray Ray and Monroe as Monroe uses a hair dryer to unfreeze her)
Monroe: He's on the run now, darling. You've got him scared.
(At round 2, Jordan steps on Juniper. At another round, he hits her face with his hands. At round 15, Jordan zaps her head charred. At round 23, Juniper tries to beat Jordan as he's sitting and reading, but he punches her. At round 42, Juniper tries stomping on Jordan as he's knitting, but rolls on his back, crushing her. At various rounds, Juniper gets getting beaten by Jordan in different ways: punching her head, throwing her into the ropes, tying her and even flattening her. Cut to a tired Juniper in her corner of the ring)
Monroe: That's great, lass. You're wearing him down. He's almost getting tired. Or at least a little bit more.
Juniper Lee: Are you sure there's no way to defeat this dude?
Monroe: Ack, plenty of ways-- if you're fighting in the field, but this is a pro-match.
Juniper Lee: What?! Oh, come on! I'm getting my butt handed to me on a platter out there!
Monroe: I thought you were just giving the crowd a good show.
Juniper Lee: His name is Jordan the Destroyer, he's destroying me! And need I remind you we've only have, like, (checks Ray Ray's Boomfist watch) an hour and 20 minutes to get that smoothie to Vikki or this whole stupid quest was for nothing!
Monroe: All right, all right, no need to get snippy. If you want to weaken him, you can pull out the second horn on his tailbone, and he would shrink to a quarter of a size then you would be a shoe-in, if you don't mind cheating at professional wrestling.
Juniper Lee: (sighs)
(Another round begins. Juniper runs as Jordan tries to punch him, but misses as she jumps to the top of the ropes, then he tries to get her, but hits the ropes as she pulls Jordan's second horn, shrinking him to a quarter of a size)
Jordan: No fair.
Juniper Lee: Tough.
(Juniper throws the horn aside, then Jordan tries to run away, but Juniper leaps on him and starts beating him, punching him, hitting him and even sitting on him. Jordan tries to punch her with his little arms, but she then punches him, to the crowd's disappointment)
Ray Ray Lee: That's right, believe it! This is the ABCs of me, baby! (Hears the boos the audience)
(Juniper jumps from the rope and crushes Jordan)
Referee: One, two, three! The winner and new champion, Juniper Lee!
(The crowd boos at this as Juniper, Monroe and Ray Ray start to leave)
Juniper Lee: We have to hurry. Come on.
(Ray Ray blows raspberry at the crowd, but Juniper pulls him away. Juniper takes the Shroud of Voldwans from the Fight Promoter, gives the Shroud of Voldwans to the monster, gives the monster king the Annk of Klakteria, gives the barber monster the Ancient Talisman of Remoulardi, gives the shoe shine monster the Crystal Scepter of Malaperta, gives Lord Balthezul the Great Goblet of Goblins, and gives the Magical Amulet of Turisbak to the smoothie monster, who gives him Vikki's protein shake. Cut to Vikki's biulding)
Vikki Devyne: So I say to this chowderhead, I said--
(Juniper breaks into Vikki's office)
Vikki Devyne: So I say to this chowderhead, I said, "Hey, if you don't tell your client to--"
Juniper Lee: Here! (hands her the protein shake)
Vikki Devyne: What is this?
Juniper Lee: What do you mean "what's this"?! I went to the land of Quegara, traversed the Gremble Beach, climbed Grand Gorge of Gorgia, truged through the snow of Malaperta, braved the rapids of Remoulardi, survived the forest of fire and ice, and I swam the vast fields of nothingness AND FOUGHT JORDAN THE DESTROYER FOR THIS! IT'S YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE!!!
(Beat)
Vikki Devyne: Oh, yeah. (tastes her protein shake) I thought I asked for no banana.
Juniper Lee: (grabs Vikki by her suit) Undo the monster spell!
Vikki Devyne: Okay, okay. A deal's a deal. I'll make the call. Shouldn't take more than a second. (calls a number as Juniper checks that it's almost midnight) Hi, sweetheart. Hey, Gary. How are ya? Great! Marsha and the kids? Oh, you aren't kidding. Oh, she did not! That's amazing for her age! My little one didn't take her--
Juniper Lee: UNSPELL THE SPELL!!!
Vikki Devyne: Right. Listen, sweetheart. You know the deal I made with the Thompson boy? Right, yeah, I need to reverse it. Okay, thanks, I'm sure. Dinner next weeks sounds fab. Oh, and if you're one minute late, I'll tear your eyes out. Bye-bye! (ends the call)
(Juniper sighs in relief as the monster-turned-human kids in Orchid Bay are turned back to normal monstrous selves. Cut to Juniper laying on her bed in her room as Ray Ray talks on the phone)
Juniper Lee: (sighs) Did I mentioned how much I hate Halloween?
Ray Ray Lee: Sure she'll fight again (eats a piece of chocolate) for the right price. I'm thinking $100,000, plus a bucket of dark chocolate with almonds.

Epilogue: Dinner with the Thompsons[]

(We see Juniper, Ray Ray and Monroe at the Thompson's place for dinner)
Juniper Lee: Uh, thanks for inviting us to dinner, Mrs. Thompson.
Catherine: Oh, you betcha. Yeah, it was the least we could do to thank you for fixing the horrible evil that Evan wrought!
Evan Thompson: I'm sick of you bagging on me! (bangs his fist on a table and leaves)
Catherine: (gasps in shock at her son's words)
Monroe: Uh, so what do you call this, uh, delicacy?
Katherine: Oh, that's slime.
Ray Ray Lee: (eating the slime) Whatever it is, it's amazing!
Juniper Lee: So, uh, (chuckles) what's for dessert?
Catherine: More slime.
(Episode ends)
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