Citizen June | |
---|---|
![]() Episode 31 | |
Season |
3 |
Episode |
5 |
Year |
2006 |
Characters[]
Transcript[]
Intro[]
- (Episode begins on the street outside the park where Juniper and Lila are walking)
- Juniper Lee: Trust me, this whole adjustment thing is gonna get easier. Just take it one day at a...
- Ray Ray Lee: (enters on his bike) Whoa, whoa, what are we doing here?
- Juniper Lee: We're walking to school.
- Ray Ray Lee: What are you thinkin', Lincoln? Why have your feet beat the street when you can ride in style with a smile? (rides his bike)
- Lila: I, uh, actually don't know how.
- Ray Ray Lee: (stops his bike) Hold the phone. What did you just say?
- Lila: I don't know how to ride a bike.
- Ray Ray Lee: Okay, that is just wrong! You wanna be a real kid, right? Well, you can't be a real kid until you learn how to two-wheel it. Come one, I'll show ya! Hop 'er on!
- (He hops off his bike, puts his helmet on Lila and she gets on his bike)
- Ray Ray Lee: Okay, now riding a bike is all about the balance. You just pedal slow, keep the handle bar steady and squeeze the breaks, oh, so gently. If you get too scared, you won't stop. Alrighty, you ready?
- Lila: Uh-huh. (starts riding the bike)
- Ray Ray Lee: That's it, there you go. You can do it.
- Juniper Lee: (smugly) Well, aren't you the little gentleman.
- Ray Ray Lee: (mildly) Shut up.
- Juniper Lee: You so like her.
- Ray Ray Lee: Do not. (to Lila) Now, I don't wanna push you too hard your first time out there. Mastering a bicycle is a slow process, so just take 'er easy and...
- Lila: (as she performs stunts while two-wheeling) Am I doing it right?
- Ray Ray Lee: Yeah.
- Lila: Are you sure?
- Ray Ray Lee: Yeah, I'm sure.
- Juniper Lee: Heh-heh. Wow, fast learner, huh?
- (Lila performs standing on the bike)
- Ray Ray Lee: She had an excellent teacher.
- (Lila stops the bike. We fade to the school where they see a banner that says "Melissa O'Malley for School President")
- Juniper Lee: Oh, great. Like that girl needs to be more mad with power.
- Lila: Who is she?
- Juniper Lee: Melissa O'Malley. She's in our grade, unbelievably hateful, but even more unbelievably popular.
- Ray Ray Lee: If you were drowning, she'd throw ya a bucket of water! Actually, she'd throw a bucket of spit and a bucket of water. But the peeps love her, go figure.
- Lila: So, there's nobody who could beat her?
- Juniper Lee: Nope, not even one the older kids. Seriously, you'd have to be crazy to run against Melissa for president.
- Jody Irwin: Guess who's running against Melissa for president! (holds up her own flyer as Juniper stares in shock)
- (Cue the theme song)
Jody for President[]
- (Scene begins in the school)
- Jody Irwin: I've got a ton of these stickers with environmentally friendly water-based adhesives, these really cute buttons, oh, and how great is my campaign slogan: "Cast Your Voety for Jody"! Catchy, right? (Juniper, Ray Ray and Lila stare at her. Jody pulls Ophelia in) And can you believe I got Ophelia to be my campaign manager? (goes to put one of her flyers on a locker)
- Ophelia Ramírez: Please kill me.
- Juniper Lee: Then why did you tell her yes?
- Ophelia Ramírez: You know the old saying: "Keep your friends close, and your really stupid friends even closer". Look at her. She's so young and chipper, so full of life. What kind of cold, heartless monster would stand in the way of her dreams?
- (Melissa and her friend enter in their cart)
- Melissa O’ Malley: Hey, guys! (sees Jody's flyer) Huh. Who is this Jody person? Does she even go to our school?
- Jody Irwin: Melissa, I just wanted to say may the best person win.
- Melissa O’ Malley: That's cute, good luck with that. Remember Becky Montgomery, the girl who ran against me for second grade treasurer? (pulls out a picture of Becky Montgomery in the past) That was her before. (pulls out a picture of Becky Montgomery right now) And this was her after. Take a real good look at your little friend, because when I'm done with her, she's done. Kiss her goodbye, ladies! See ya! (She and her friend drive off)
- (Cut to Juniper's classroom)
- PA Announcer: Fellow students of Orchid Bay Elementary, it's time to kick off to raise for school president with campaign commercials made by our two candidates, Jody Irwin and Melissa O'Malley.
- Jody Irwin: Wait 'til you guys see this!
- (Jody's campaign commercial starts on a TV)
- Video (Jody Irwin): Butterflies, flowers, puppies, candy. If you love all these things and truth in government, then you know who to vote for.
- (The video changes to Mrs. Irwin opening the bathroom door with Jody with curls in her hair and a green facemask)
- Video (Jody Irwin): Mom, turn the camera off!
- (The video changes to Jody building a snowman in the winter as she turns around and waves, but a snowball gets thrown at her face. The video changes to younger Jody)
- Video (Younger Jody Irwin): Jody's in her big girl pants. No more poopies. (giggles as another snowball gets thrown at her face)
- Jody Irwin: We had to record it over some of my parents' home video. You think anybody will noticed?
- Roger Radcliffe: Noticed what?
- Video (Jody Irwin): (dressed as George Washington) This Election Day, choose the candidate who is a friend of all great and small! Cast your votey for Jody!
- (Jody's campaign commercial ends and Melissa's campaign commercial starts)
- Video (Melissa O’ Malley): Jody Irwin says she likes things like flowers and puppies. But what else does she love.
- (The video changes to the classroom)
- Video (Jody Irwin): If you ask me, Mr. Hartwell, there's no such thing as too much homework. I love it!
- Video (Melissa O’ Malley): Jody Irwin also claims she's a friend to all. But what does she really think about you?
- Video (Jody Irwin): Why is everyone in this school so ugly short and stupid?
- Roger Radcliffe: (to Jody) Who you callin' short!?
- Jody Irwin: I never said that!
- Video (Melissa O’ Malley): Jody Irwin loves homework and hates you! Is that the kind of leader this school deserves?
- Video (Jody Irwin): Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
- Video (Melissa O’ Malley): Vote Melissa O'Malley for president!
- (The video ends with a card saying "Paid for by the friends of Melissa O'Malley". The class starts booing at her as she runs out of the classroom crying. Juniper and Ophelia feel sorry for her)
- Juniper Lee: (looking for Jody outside the school) Jody! Jody?! (finds her crying under a tree as she goes to comfort her and a small pink monster enters the school) Oh, Jody, don’t cry, okay? Look, Melissa’s a jerk. And everybody knows it.
- Jody Irwin: (upset) It's not my fault I’m not the coolest kid in school. Or prettiest, or the most popular.
- Juniper Lee: Oh come on, Jody, you’re cool, and pretty and popular, relatively speaking.
- Jody Irwin: I'll never win the election now!
- Juniper Lee: Sure you will.
- Jody Irwin: Come on, we both know that's not true. I guess I'm okay with that. It's just not fair... (Juniper's bracelet starts to glow, she sees dark clouds forming near the school, she gets more nervous as Jody talks) ...that Melissa gets everything, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.
- Juniper Lee: Um, listen, could we...?
- Jody Irwin: I mean, come on! Who's smart and funny and talented and popular enough to boot Melissa in that fanny of hers? And-- (gasps as she gets an idea and looks at Juniper) You!
- Juniper Lee: What?
- Jody Irwin: We should run you for president!
- Juniper Lee: Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Jody Irwin: I'll be your manager! We'll knock Little Miss Stuck-Up into next Tuesday!
- Juniper Lee: (sees dark clouds getting bigger) No! No, forget it. Jody, listen, I've gotta run. I--
- Jody Irwin: June, this is the moment we've been waiting for our whole lives! This is our shot to take down Melissa O'Malley, and I am not moving until you say yes! (the clouds start to thunder)
- Juniper Lee: Oh, crud. Okay, fine, yes, okay? I'm your girl, I'm running for president! (she runs toward them)
- Jody Irwin: Yes! Oh, my gosh, I better get moving. We've got tons of work to do. See you later, Madam President!
- (Juniper runs to the thundering clouds as Thor and three women come out of the clouds)
- Thor: Tremble in fear, demon cur! Thy hour of judgement hath come! Abandon all hope of mercy for the power of the hammer Mjolnir shall lay waste to all in my path!
- (Juniper looks worriedly)
Making a Deal with Thor[]
- Thor: By the twin giants' realm of Non and the raven claw of Nestor, cast down Odin's mighty hand and all thine evil plans to--
- Juniper Lee: Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
- Thor: Oh, hey June. How's it goin'?
- Juniper Lee: I've been better. Thor, what are you doing?
- Thor: Sweetheart, call me T-Money. Oh, man! Forgive my manners. Have you met my new assistants, the Hammerettes?
- Juniper Lee: Hey.
- Thor: This is Juniper, the Te Xuan Ze I was telling you about.
- Hammerette #1: Charmed.
- Hammerette #2: Delighted.
- Juniper Lee: Yeah. So what are you doing here?
- Thor: Oh, well I was gonna totally destroy your school.
- Juniper Lee: What?! You can't do that!
- Thor: Oh, I totally can. Just watch (assembles Mjolnir to do that)
- Juniper Lee: No! No, that's not what I meant!
- Hammerette #1: Not "can't-can't", darling, I believe she meant "can't" as in she'd rather you not.
- Thor: Oh. (laughs) Gotcha. My bad. Look, an enchanted Vindolf Hobgoblin escaped from the caves of Midgard and took refuge inside that building. If the creature contains freedom on Earth for a fortnight... Wait, a fortnight, that's, like, 3 days, right? No, or is that a thrightnight?
- Hammerette #3: Sorry, pumpkin, are you still talking?
- Hammerette #2: We stopped paying attention 5 minutes ago.
- Thor: So anyway, after the Vindolf's, like, free for three full cycles of the moon and sun, it'll transform into a four-headed Hydra, which is virtually unstoppable, and that, doll, is bad news, which means your school has gotta go. (assembles Mjolnir to destroy the school)
- Juniper Lee: No! Wait! (jumps to Thor's hair and stops him by holding Mjolnir)
- Thor: Baby, you're, like, standing on Thor's hair.
- Juniper Lee: Oh, uh, sorry, but listen, I'll make you a deal. There's still time before this Vindolf thing mutates, right? Well, how about I find it for you while you guys can go, uh... shopping. Yeah, maybe catch a movie? How about the zoo? You look like you could use some downtime.
- Thor: (thinks about it) Deal. You got 3 days to snag us the Vindolf, or me and the ladies are gonna go mad dog on this joint. Now, get off my melon, you're scuffing the locks.
Juniper for President[]
- (Cut to the hallway where flyers that say "Cast Your Vote-uny for Juney" are hung on the lockers)
- Jody Irwin: I want the new posters up by 10:00, flyers stuffed in all the lockers by 11:00, and the latest hallway poll results on my desk by noon.
- (Juniper comes in, looking tired with her hair a mess, and she sees a banner)
- Juniper Lee: "Cast Your Vote-uny for Juney"?
- Monroe: Yes, it's sounds worse when you read it out loud. Although wearing is no picnic, either.
- Juniper Lee: How did they rope you into this?
- Monroe: A firm belief in democracy and the process of representative government... and all the cupcakes I could eat.
- Ray Ray Lee: Whoa! You get hit by a truck or just sleepin' a ditch?
- Juniper Lee: I was up all night looking for that stupid Vindolf.
- Lila: Any luck?
- Juniper Lee: Nope. And now I've got to deal with all of this.
- (Melissa and her friend enter in their cart)
- Melissa O’ Malley: Is that fresh blood I smell, or is it just dead meat? (Lila growls at her) Uh, shouldn't she be on a leash?
- Ray Ray Lee: Leash?! You wanna go for a walk, lady?! (Juniper stops him)
- Jody Irwin: You're going down, O'Malley! Ya hear me? Down! You wanna know why? June's cooler, prettier and smarter. And she's gonna whip your butt until you don't have a butt left. And then one day, you're gonna turn around and say, "Hey! I don't have a butt, where did it go?! Oh, that's right-- June whipped it."
- Melissa O’ Malley: Yes, well touché. (drives away)
- Jody Irwin: That's right, drive away! Just enjoy that butt of yours, 'cause pretty soon, you're gonna be buttless!
- Ophelia Ramírez: Gee, guess you told her.
- Jody Irwin: I certainly did. (to Juniper) Okay, you've got a couple of personal appearances scheduled today, a Q+A at the vending machine at D Hall and we have to get you ready for the big debate after school.
- Juniper Lee: Today? Oh, I can't, I'm totally wiped. And I've gotta take care of something.
- Lila: (whispering to Juniper) Don't worry, I'll go look for the Vindolf with Ray Ray and Monroe.
- Jody Irwin: (grabs Juniper) All of this stuff need to be memorized. The material highlighted in orange is for general reference, yellow for specific issues, and pink is just for fun.
- (Fade to the auditorium)
- Kid #2: My locker door has been sticking for the past two years, and I don't think I'm alone in this. How do you plan on fixing the problem?
- Juniper Lee: Umm, I guess you could use some oil, that worked on mine. (the crowd laughs)
- Melissa O’ Malley: Clearly, my opponent doesn't understand the issue. A quick fix isn't the answer, we need a solution that will eliminate sticky locker doors for you, for everyone, and for generations to come! (the crowd cheers) And she has ugly shoes. (the crowd laughs again)
- Juniper Lee: But I had gym today, I couldn't wear the cute ones!
- Jody Irwin: She's getting killed up there, go to plan B! Everyone, plan B! (Ophelia signals her to switch to plan B)
- Juniper Lee: Okay, okay, listen. We could on all day about lockers, or the food at lunchtime, but I don't think that's what you want, I think that you WANNA ROCK!! (smoke covers the stage, Melissa gasps as Ray Ray and Dennis, dressed up as KISS, come up behind her onstage. Roger throws Juniper's guitar to her as she switches to her KISS costume starts playing guitar. Melissa leaves in annoyance)
- Juniper Lee: ♪Happy days are here again
- The skies above are clear again
- So let's sing a song of cheer again
- Happy days are here again♪
- (The song continues in a montage with presidential ballots and headwear handed to the students and wallpapers being placed on lockers, even on Melissa's butt by Ray Ray)
- Juniper Lee: ♪All together shout it now
- There's no one
- Who can doubt it now
- So let's tell the world about it now
- Happy days are here again♪
- (The montage continues with Lila handing students more ballots as Ray Ray looks for the Vindolf while Melissa attempts to draw or get rid of posters of Juniper and Juniper is greeted by the students)
- Juniper Lee: ♪Happy days are here again
- The skies above are clear again
- So let's sing a song of cheer again
- Happy days are here again♪
- (The montage ends. Cut to the zoo where Thor and the Hamerettes are)
- Thor: Okay, everyone who's bored, raise their hand. (he and all the Hammerettes raise their hands, so do the gorillas) Motion passed, it's official. Welcome to Boresville, population: us. What do you think we should do?
- Hammerette #1: Sugar, we're not going to go on the water flume again, are we? I just got my armor dry.
- Hammerette #3: I know. Let's pulverize that school already and get out of this town. What do you say, honey?
- Thor: But, like, the deadline isn't up yet. (looks at the zoo brochure) I thought we could hit the reptile house. They got iguanas! I loves to see me some iguanas!
- Hammerette #2: Excellent idea, muffin, but we're gonna go destroy the school.
- Thor: Alright, whatever. Go on and get started, I'll catch up later. (They leave) Oh, dude! They've got llamas!
- (Cut back to the school where the Vindolf enters the basement and the Hamerettes arrive. Lila, Ray Ray and Monroe look at each other in concern. Cut to the debate in the track field)
- Jody Irwin: Okay, this is it. This is what we've been working for. I want you to go out there and give that speech like your life depends on it! Be confident, but not cocky. (Juniper's phone rings) Bold, but not undoubtable. Don't spit when you yell, and make eye contact with lots of boys. You're cute, use it!
- Juniper Lee: (answers her phone) Yeah, um, hello?
- Ray Ray Lee: June, those Hammerettes are trashing the school!
- Juniper Lee: No! We still have 6 hours to find the Vindolf!
- Ray Ray Lee: That's what I told them, but between you and me, they're not exactly good listeners!
- (The second Hammerette fires her hammer at the camera)
Lila vs. the Hammerettes/Ophelia Gives the Speech[]
- (The Hammerettes shoot at the ducts, blasting a piece of it above Lila, Ray Ray and Monroe, but Lila catches it and throws it at the third Hammerette. She growls and knocks the first Hammerette and faces the second Hammerette. She tries to hit her with her hammer, but Lila grabs it and knocks her down while the Vindolf escapes into the ducts)
- Ray Ray Lee: June, don't get me wrong. I love a good chick fight... (Lila thows a box at the third Hammerette, but she breaks it with her hammer) ...and ol' Lila's kicking nine times of butt, but you gotta over here and find that Vindolf thingy before there's nothing left of this place!
- (Lila jumps towards the second Hammerette, but the third Hammerette pins Lila down with the first Hammerette helping, but Lila uses her super strength to get up and knock the Hammerettes and she continues to fight. Juniper hangs up and goes to find the Vindolf, but gets stopped by Jody)
- Jody Irwin: Uh, where are you going? It's almost time for you to go on.
- Juniper Lee: Uh, yeah, I got to, uh... go to the bathroom. Really bad! I can't wait!
- Jody Irwin: Well, just hurry back. (Juniper runs off and she calls after her) And no handwashing! Hygiene will have to wait!
- (Cut back to the fight as Lila holds off the first Hammerette, and the second Hammerette gets up, but Ray Ray and Monroe intervene and try to fight her, but she puts them in a locker. Thor appears in a cloud and watches Lila fighting the Hammerette on his mirror-like TV. He and an iguana eat popcorn as they watch. Cut to the hallway as Juniper looks for the Vindolf, but they cross paths and she starts chasig after the Vindolf. Cut to the track field as Jody waits impatiently for Juniper, but Melissa shows her the time on her watch. Jody tries to get her, but Ophelia stops her. Juniper climbs up the ducts and sees the Vindolf and goes after it while Jody still waits for Juniper)
- Jody Irwin: How can she be still in the bathroom? What are we gonna do?
- Ophelia Ramírez: (grabs Juniper's speech) Don't worry, I'm on it.
- Jody Irwin: What?! On what?! (Ophelia goes on the stage) What are you on?! There's nothing to be on!
- Ophelia Ramírez: (giving June's speech) Okay, um, hello? Um, Juniper's not here right now, but if she was, she would tell you that the most important thing about this election thingamabob is, uh...
- (Melissa's friends encourage the crowd to boo. Ophelia looks at Jody, who starts crying and Roger comforts her)
- Ophelia Ramírez: Okay, listen up! You wanna know what's really important in this election? The truly, honest, absolute and most important part is that you do NOT elect Melissa O'Malley! You can't, and do you wanna know why? 'Cause you hate her! Hello?! We ALL hate her! But most of have been too scared to admit it! She's a snobby, self-important, egotistical wacko! She spends all day talking about herself or telling us how stupid we are, or ugly, or fat, or short! And I'm sick of it, you're sick of it, we're ALL sick of it! Isn't it about time we let Melissa just how SICK OF IT we are?!
- (The crowd cheer in agreement, to Melissa's shock and Ophelia smiles proudly)
Defeating the Vindolf[]
- (Juniper crawls through the ducts in pursuit of the Vindolf at different levels until the Vindolf gets out of the ducts and into the teacher's lounge, followed by Juniper, who tries to grab the Vindolf, but retreats out a window. Juniper struggles to open the window as the Vindolf runs off and starts to transform. Juniper breaks off the window and sees the transformation)
- Juniper Lee: Oh, no.
- '(The Vindolf completely transforms into Hydra with three heads as one head roars at Junipe and tries to grab her, but she jumps out of the way. The head tries again, but misses. She punches another head and kicks another head, resulting in the Hydra growing two more heads. The five Hydra heads try grab her, but she runs to the front of the school where she sees Thor on his cloud)
- Juniper Lee: Yo, T-Money, I hate to interrupt here, (throws an acorn at him to get his attention) but how about a hand?
- (The Hydra approaches Juniper)
- Thor: Oh, dude! What'd I tell ya? (uses Mjolnir to summon the dark clouds to destroy the Hydra) By Odin's mighty eye--
- (The Hydra knocks Thor off his cloud and one head grabs Thor, but Thor uses his strength to hold the mouth open as Mjolnir falls to the ground. Juniper punches the Hydra in the stomach, making the head let Thor go as he falls to the ground. The center head breathes fire as Juniper runs away and Thor grabs Mjolnir)
- Thor: June, we need to control the heads!
- (Thors uses Mjolnir as a shield to block the Hydra's firey breath as Juniper looks at a banner that says "Don't Be Looney - Vote for Juney". She jumps to the top of the school building and grabs the banner as three heads turn to Juniper and she uses the strings as a rope to tie the heads together. She swings the banner on the Hydra, but it grabs her while Thor uses Mjolnir to summon the dark clouds and it zaps the Hydra back into the Vindolf as it disappears)
- Thor: (blows Mjolnir) Sweet!
- (Juniper's hair is electrocuted from the lightning while Thor walks over to her to give her a high five, but she zaps a little lightning on his hand. Fade to later)
- Kid Anchor: And it looks like the cootie-free initiative has passed with 62% of the vote. This just in on the race for school president...
- Jody Irwin: This is it!
- Kid Anchor: ...with just over 85% of the classrooms reporting, Melissa O'Malley has 20% of the vote (Melissa and her friends cheer) while Juniper Lee has 25% of the vote. (Jody cheers) That means the official projected winner is... a last minute write-in vote with 54.9999% of the popular vote, Ophelia Ramírez!
- Ophelia Ramírez: (shocked) No way.
- Melissa O’ Malley: This election was fixed! I demand a recount!
- Ophelia Ramírez: Hello? I don't wanna be president.
- Jody Irwin: Don't worry, I'll do everything. You'll just be the figurehead (takes out a big book) I've got our entire school year protection ready to go.
- Ophelia Ramírez: Help me.
- Juniper Lee: Relax, you'll be drunk with power in no time.
- Ophelia Ramírez: Ugh, I can't imagine anything more annoying.
- Roger Radcliffe: You know, if you're lookin' for a first lady, I'm your guy.
- Ophelia Ramírez: I stand corrected.
Epilogue: Ray Ray and Monroe in the Locker[]
- (Ray Ray and Monroe are still trapped in the locker in the basement)
- Monroe: Get off my side of the locker!
- Ray Ray Lee: Your side?! Man, I don't see your name on it!
- Monroe: Ow! Watch it, you light-footed pygmy!
- Ray Ray Lee: Oh, who you calling pygmy?! (the locker door opens) One side, dog, I'm outta here!
- Monroe: Quit pushing, you overbred chimpanzee! (makes Ray Ray push his elbow to close the locker door)
- Ray Ray Lee: Ah, look what you did!
- Monroe: What I did?! That was on your side, man!
- (Episode ends)